Silent Boosh
by mehisfishtaco
Summary: When Naboo, Vince, and Howard from the Mighty Boosh wind up in Silent Hill, horror and drama are sure to come around the corner to eat them alive. Will Naboo ever find his stash? Teen for violence, drug usage, suggestive themes, and mild language
1. Chapter 1

**Silent Boosh**

Chapter One:

"Remind me why we're on this thing again." Whined the young Vince Noir, black hair perfect as ever and drenched in hairspray to keep it that way, a black scarf wrapped around his neck, and a tight black one-piece outfit revealing his naval.

Howard Moon rolled his eyes in annoyance, he had always viewed himself as the much more mature male of the group. "Naboo, please explain this to Vince, because it seems he just can't listen." He stroked his moustache as he glared at Vince before looking away.

Naboo, the short shaman wearing a large blue turban and a blue robe showing that he was a shaman was seated on the magic carpet, directing it straight ahead. "I told you," he said, voice a slurred monotone as it always was. "I have to go pick up some things."

But Vince wasn't listening instead he was looking at his reflection in a small mirror, smiling at himself. Then he dropped the mirror and frowned.

"Damn!" said Vince, watching the mirror hurtle towards the ground, he looked over to Naboo and whined "I want to go home." This only earned him a slap on the back of the head from Howard.

The carpet stopped, and quickly hurtled to the ground, a rush of air buzzing in their ears as they continued falling. Down, down, down… Closer and closer to their deaths. Though Howard and Vince were screaming bloody murder, Naboo was calm as ever, and the carpet stopped moments before it hit the ground.

"Get off, we have to walk from here."

The town was covered in fog. The closest thing Vince could see was Naboo, who was on the other side of the magic carpet. He looked around, smiling and shrugging. It was just fog, it couldn't do any serious damage to his hair, and he was king of the Mods. There was nothing for him to be afraid of.

Though Howard seemed to have different feelings on this, he shook his head, face pale as a white sheet of paper (though his face had always been rather bland and pale, not too different from paper, in Vince's opinion).

"I think I'll wait on the carpet." He said quietly.

Vince couldn't help but snicker, watching his terrified friend. "What, are you afraid?" he asked, placing a hand on Howard's shoulder which was quickly and rather roughly brushed off.

"Don't touch me." He said flatly, then Howard added. "Why would I be afraid? I just don't want to slow Naboo down. He needs to get that stuff fast, or else he'll have another one of his episodes." He grew quiet for a moment, shuddering as he remembered the last time Naboo was forced to stay sober for more than a few hours.

"Why don't we just go with him, I'm sure you don't want to be here all alone." Vince urged, nodding, he just wanted to get this over with.

"Too late, Vince."

Howard and Vince looked around, Naboo was nowhere to be seen. Howard's heart thudded madly in his ears, his breathing grew heavy, and he couldn't think straight. Where was Naboo? He continued looking, finally he looked at Vince to speak but let out a scream when something touched his shoulder. Looking over his shoulder, he saw it was only Naboo, watching him seriously.

"Come on, we should get going before the store closes."

Deciding that he didn't have any other choice, Howard sighed and grumbled "Fine, I'll come along with you two."

"Alright." Vince said with a grin as he climbed off of the carpet with Howard and they followed Naboo.

-x-x-x-

"I don't remember walking through this neighborhood before." Vince said, jogging to catch up with Naboo and Howard.

Naboo was walking faster than ever, it was hard for Vince to imagine how he could walk that fast without any shoes. But, he was eager to get some new additions to his stash.

"Are you sure we're going the right way?" Asked Howard, glancing at Vince, he was relieved that he wasn't the only one who thought that they were lost.

"I'm sure." Naboo replied calmly, not even glancing over his shoulder.

Neither Howard nor Vince were thoroughly convinced, though they just followed along. At this point they wouldn't be able to find their ways back to the magic carpet anyways, not without Naboo's help anyways.

"What was that?" Vince asked, as he stopped walking.

Howard and Naboo stopped as well, turning to look at Vince, both confused. Then they grew silent, and heard the sound that Vince was referring to. It was a horrible sound, the sound of metal grinding against metal, like nails running down a chalkboard. Naboo's eyes widened, and when Howard and Vince's gazes followed where the shaman was looking they felt their hearts racing faster than ever. It was a creature with two torsos and two heads, each head had a blade attached, the blades parallel to one another. Where its waist was, was a band of metal, allowing it to spin like a top. Which it was doing now. It was in mid-air, spinning so fast it was nearly a blur. And it's stilt like legs hung limply in the air.

Then it stopped. The horrible noise was gone now that it had stopped, and it was replaced by Howard's scream – which was muffled by Vince's hand. Naboo was already walking away, he knew better than to fight off something like that.

"Naboo," Vince whispered, making the Shaman stop and look at him. "What is that thing?"

"A pendulum. They aren't very nice, I suggest you leave it alone."

Vince eyed the creature, which was now walking on it's stilt-like legs. Towering over him and Howard as it slowly approached them.

Naboo urged Vince and Howard on, so they began walking, hearts thudding in their chests as they heard the clicking of the terrifying creature's feet following close behind mixed with the whimpers that escaped Howard every time he looked over his shoulder to get a good look at the monster.


	2. Chapter 2

_Authors note: I apologize for the delay in updates to this fanfic, I recently broke up with my boyfriend and was piled with schoolwork, and hadn't gotten around to getting back into my writing. However, I'm now over my boyfriend, out in the world searching for someone else, and have found my Boosh muse. So, I present to you all…_

**Silent Boosh**

Chapter Two:

"I've got a bad feeling about this," uttered the gruff voice of Bollo, trudging behind Naboo who was still determined as ever to find his Shaman stash.

"Shut it, Bollo, why can't you say something nice for once you ball-bag?" snapped the shaman in return, immediately the gorilla fell silent.

While the shaman and gorilla were arguing Howard seemed to be the only one noticing all of the creatures inhabiting this place. It was terrifying, worse than when the Spirit of Jazz got inside of him and made him strip on stage – okay, maybe it wasn't _that_ bad. But still, there were all sorts of creatures, and Howard was beginning to wonder if he was the only person seeing these things. At least the creature with the screeching metallic stilt legs had wandered off, but he was still afraid of something worse appearing.

"Hey Howard, check it out!"

Blinking, pulled free from his daydream, Howard Moon turned around to see Vince who was holding up a bloodstained Rolling Stones t-shirt.

"I told you Mick Jagger still cared about his fans," he said with that stupid grin on his face.

Howard could only stare, not at Vince, but what was behind him. Vince of course, was too interested in hugging and rubbing his face against the Rolling Stones shirt. But when Howard's small eyes widened in horror, Vince looked up.

"What," he asked, suddenly looking serious, "have I got something in my hair?"

The creature immediately came charging past Vince, narrowly avoiding slamming into one of the crumbling brick buildings that made up the majority of the town's structure. It was a massive fleshy shape, a light pink color, like a raw turkey just purchased from the store. The creature lacked skin, or a head, but it reared and stampeded in the manner of a bull. It _was_ a bull, a decapitated, skinless, bull.

"Don't kill me," cried out Howard, backing away from it, "I'm too young to die!"

Vince showed absolutely no fear when looking at the hideous creature, but rather rage, his grey eyes narrowed in hatred and disgust.

"That bitch almost got dirt in my hair!"

Vince started stomping towards the creature, furious, with no disregard to his own safety. He continued approaching the fleshy mass, which turned to him and backed away, Howard wondered what it's expression would be if it had a face. The creature continued backing away, Vince smirking and yelling curse words at it, believing he was actually succeeding in scolding the headless bull.

Then a bullet whizzed past his shoulder and hit the creature. A loud roar escaped its neck, none of the Brits having time to wonder how that was even possible, and it bucked forwards. Slamming into Vince and knocking him down, it leapt over him and Howard and charged towards the source of the bullet.

Immediately climbing to his feet, Vince began to inspect himself, not for injuries but to make sure his clothes were still in good condition. The bloody Rolling Stones shirt was still in his hands.

Once he was sure there was nothing wrong with his clothes, he looked up and saw that the bull was edging closer to a blond woman, who appeared to be in her early twenties or late teens. If this person had happened to be unattractive, Vince would probably not have dared to risk his life for her, but she wasn't ugly that was for sure. So, when he saw the bull coming closer to her, he dove and pushed her out of the way.

Startled the bull rushed forward, jamming its neck into his stomach and sending him flying into one of the crumbling brick walls, he came crashing to the ground and before he could react the bull was directly in front of him, trampling at him with its hooves. All Vince could do was scream and flail his legs and arms about, knowing he couldn't do anything to stop the beast.

Then another gunshot echoed throughout the town, and the creature let out a quiet noise and fell down dead. The woman, holding a rifle, approached Vince with a look of annoyance on her face.

"Are you stupid?" she snapped, not even offering a hand to help the traumatized male to his feet.

Vince was shocked, "That thing was going to kill you!"

"I have a _gun_, I don't know how things are where you come from, but in Silent Hill the monsters aren't afraid of cross dressers."

"Cross dressers!?"

Climbing to his feet, Vince's hands clenched into fists. His mother always taught him to never hit a girl, but perhaps he could make an exception to that rule.

"Vince, calm down, she's only saying what we've all been thinking for the past several years," said Naboo, approaching the two, his face void of any emotion at all.

"Come on Vince," urged Howard, "the sooner we find the stash the sooner you get to go shopping. We can even buy you your own Rolling Stones shirt – one that isn't stained with blood!"

"Alright, alright," grumbled Vince with a nod, but he was interrupted by a snort of laughter that escaped the blond.

"You guys are druggies?" she asked, grinning in amusement, "well that explains a lot!"

"It's shaman goods," snapped Naboo, rolling his eyes and starting to walk in the direction they'd been going all day.

"Sure it is, sure it is. Where are you freaks headed?"

"The hospital, we hear they have plenty of shaman goods," explained Bollo, at this point he was the only one who wasn't irritated with the blond girl.

"Really? I'm going in that direction as well, so I guess we'll just have to stick together for a while longer."

"That won't be necessary," said Howard, not wanting Vince to throw any more temper tantrums.

"Oh, really?"

At that moment a disgusting creature approached them, its head covered in flesh, its arms trapped in a straight jacket made of flesh, and its legs twitching as it awkwardly stumbled forward. But when it was close enough it dashed forwards with certainty, somehow sensing they were there. Smirking, the blond girl shot the creature, and with a single shot of her rifle it was blown to bits.

"Alright, welcome to the team," said Howard, grinning and shaking the girl's hand.

"I'm Howard, this is Naboo, our hairy friend here is Bollo, and the cross dresser is Vince."

The blond grinned, "It's nice to meet you all, I'm Heather."


End file.
